Abandoned as a baby, and raised by wild animals, Doug was taken in by a rare breed of warthogs indiginous to a remote section of Tunisia the locals call "Chaka Khan" which means "He who runs with the animals." In his prime, Doug could run 100 meters in 8 seconds crushing the current record held by Usain Bolt. Realizing it was weird to live with warthogs, Doug was a stow away on board a ship carrying blood diamonds and heroin to the United States. Doug took up residence in Texas and after years of long, hard work, and serious changes to his hygiene routine, Doug was able to convince people he knew what he was doing and started several businesses here in the Clear Lake area, most of which you've never heard of. Sure, he still snorts loudly in his sleep, but he turned out to be an ok guy.......
For the most part.